red&chrome
by antarcticas
Summary: thirty-one drabbles on loss / [for lizzie's october challenge, abandoned]
1. a girl falls

**kinda sorta for ImpossibleThings12/burnt up feeling's october writing challenge 'cause i love a good set of prompts**

 **updates will hopefully be everyday. therefore, they'll be super short**

 **one: a girl falls**

"I thought you loved me," he says, gritting his teeth as he pushes against her spear, feet rising dust as they slide along the dirt of the mountain.

"I loved Luke Castellan," she says as he ducks her advances and takes higher ground, "not whoever you are."

Either sweat is dripping off her face or tears are. He cannot tell, but he assumes the first. "I'm still Luke. I just know more now."

"Know what? Know how to murder? I think you do, having seen your skills firsthand—" she yelps when he manages to slice her thigh.

"I was going to come back and save you, Thalia."

"Even if you had, which I doubt," she presses against his sword and lets out a small sigh, "I would have killed myself before joining you."

"Don't be a pawn to Olympus, Thals. They don't care about you. I do."

"I hate you," she breathes.

In that moment, she slips and falls over the edge, and Luke tries to catch her. He fails. She falls.

 **had mount tam gone differently.**

 **-dee**


	2. love only hurts

**two: love only hurts**

/

"i hate you,"

she says,

and when he

turns away

she wishes she could

take it back.

/

"i love you,"

she says,

and when he

kisses her

she wishes she could

take it back.

/

but she

cannot

because she is

not the

kind of girl who

reneges on promises.

/

and she

watches his back

and she

moves into his

lips

and she says,

"i'm not ready

for this,"

but he does

not care.

/

he did not care

at "i hate you,"

and

he did not care

at "i love you."

/

travis stoll

is a

monster.

/

and he turns away

and comes back

and bruises her.

/

and he kisses deep

and reaches back

and bleeds her.

/

steals innocence

and robs passion

and kills love.

/

[katie, you

are life,

and he has

stolen you]


	3. fire is spreading

**three: fire is spreading**

Leo Valdez finds fire a friend. At least, he found fire a friend until this moment.

Because it is everywhere. It does not effect him, it never has, but he has seen burns on his mother. She is somewhere inside the workshop. She is not immune. He has never witnessed what happens to ordinary people when they are in fire but all he thinks right now is that he does not want to find out like this.

He wants to go in, to find his mother, to hear her voice tell him it is all going to be alright. But his feet are stuck on the pavement and he cannot move, like the earth itself is stopping him.

All he remembers after that is pain and grief, and Aunt Rosa and her crude face, and the authorities saying _sorry_ quietly, and crying. Crying and crying and crying and crying.

He hates water, but right now he wants to drown in his sorrows.


	4. nostalgia hits

**four: nostalgia hits**

Annabeth craves innocence.

She doesn't remember ever having it. As a child, she always wanted to know _more more more -_ more about everything. She learned about death and loss far before others of her age simply because they didn't want to know about anything that wasn't in their safe-little-bubble of a world.

She lost that kind of innocence a long time ago. But right now, that is not what she wants. She wants the innocence of _'It'll be alright'_ and _'I love you'._ She misses her times on the run. She misses the innocence and naivety that came with Luke and Thalia.

They were a family, once, long ago, and she wants that. She has Percy and Piper and Hazel and Jason and Frank and Leo and all of the other demigods now and she loves them but not the same kind of love.

That kind of love was cuddling and kisses on the forehead and watching each other sleep and keeping warm throughout winter nights. It was arms around each other and sneaking onto trains and climbing trees and having each other's backs.

But it is gone.


	5. hidden in the deep

**five: hidden in the deep**

hidden in the deep

there lie those of crimes.

hidden in the deep

the villains are confined.

...

left down below are those who lied.

now they

fight,

cry,

try.

...

some call it hell,

it is not haven.

some call it sin,

it is not salvation.

...

where go the souls

of monsters?

down below

falling closer.

...

it is more than death

more than final breaths.

it is more than being lost

more than hope being tossed.

...

it is _punishment,_

for _sins,_

for _lying_

and

 _crime_

and

 _everything in between._

 _..._

it is tartarus.

...

 **welcome to hell.**

 **...**

 **a/n: what even is this? i really hit a block here. thanks for reading though.**


	6. she could only jump

**six: she could only jump**

/

reyna avila

ramírez-arellano.

/

leader of

the romans.

praetor of

the legion.

winner of

the war.

/

achievements marked

by blood

and sorcery

and spears in

brown soil.

/

you are

a teenager

and you

have slaughtered

hundreds

and felt no remorse.

/

you are a leader and

you are confident and

you do not second-guess and

you do the right thing.

/

you fight for your people,

not your heart.

you kill for your soldiers,

not your head.

/

your choices are

doing what

praetors have done for

centuries

or

jumping into the

unknown

and making peace

in the mare nostrum

being not

another name in the logbook.

/

at least,

reyna avila

ramírez-arellano,

people will remember you.

/

you were the one who jumped,

after all,

and people always

remember the ones

who took chances.


	7. secrets

**seven:** secrets

Percy has secrets.

Percy has _scars._

Not scars from swords and spears, no. Scars from Gabe and his large hands carrying glass beer bottles. Secrets from Gabe and his love of blood.

Percy tells nobody.

Whenever they see him, they think him brave for the lines crossing his chest, his arms, his face, forming constellations. To them the marks are battlescars. And they are, truly, battlescars - but from the fighting nobody wants to see.

Losing to a mortal makes him weak. So he cannot tell anybody, lest he loose his position as a leader.

Percy smiles.

Percy smiles because he does not know what else to do. He always smiles through victory and loss, looking up, because he has been at rock bottom and he believes in rising up.

Percy has secrets.

( _arms, thighs, covered with lies)_

a **/n this is from yesterday bc i couldn't update yesterday bc of technicalities please don't kill me i'm sry bout the word killing in this a/n**


End file.
